squid4u's Blog

squid4u... All of my marbles are gone, or at least that is what this kid who keeps calling dad tells me :)

It was not intention to hurt any ones feelings or cause emotional stress. It wasn't our intentions to fall in love or to desire fulfill each others request to nurture another soul, to get excited of future possibilities. Everything in life now feels so new, so beautiful.
Into each others arms we wish to rest feel secure and loved. 
Can we be wrong to plan for what feels best to us? For what we believe is rite?
It happened as our friendship quickly blossomed into rarely felt bliss, new desires, carvings, grew out of simple needs of wantings to bring fulfillment to each others life and to make whole and complement our own. Compassion, joy and happiness are always in our thoughts appreciating everything: the way each other thinks, looks and talks. Yet not many others see or understand just how much we mean to each other. How much we can and desire and carve to journey on a path together.
The differences shared between us doesn't seem to be much. A number, an age perhaps.
Not love nor creativity, not desire, respect nor trust. Comforted with each others words, engaged alike in thought.
Love is more impressive then simple yearnings or lustful thought, harder to find then the rarest gems. Needing to be nurtured. Not dismissed or tossed aside because of an others mistrust.
We desire to live through love, respect, kindness and trust...
Need there be more to aspire to?
Is there a need greater then us?

. Court was a bit upsetting. Simply went there to state that I could see no reason to reduce the child support  received, perhaps bring up issue with the visitation, (or lack there offrfom her), problem causing James emotional distress but they would hear of nothing else other then the issue of should the child support be reduced. So I kept to the subject matter at hand. Iris however could not. Bringing up things that didn't't even happen and trying to find fault with me for reasons of her not being able to pay the support. Then after I agreed to allow a 60 day stay of the order so that the state would not arrest her and give her time to find work she starts saying hurtful, imaginary off the wall statements. Lying about me and accusing me of things that had never happen. Even after they reminded her several times that this hearing was only about the support. Now I feel like an asshole for offering help to her and in return being offered, what felt like abuse as she falsely accused me of everything that some scumbag men may threaten to do when they do not get their way. Knowing full well that I have stood up and protected others, even strangers, when threatened or in abusive situations since my youth. I just don't understand why she would choose to act like this when all I have ever done is offer assistance to her and her family and raise our son the best that I can on my own.

Some days life can be just like a piece of crap; you step in it, you clean it off, you move on!

Later I took my son out for dinner, before returning to work to set up a test that there was not enough time to complete earlier in the day because of the appointment at court. I feel a bit better knowing that he is with me instead of her and that he is a pretty great kid who still needs guidance, love and a sense of fairness in his life. 

Finding inner peace, calm and happiness sounds really good right now.
A buck list sounds like a good idea to start gathering together as well. It is great to explore and find new things and people in life while were still young enough to enjoy, appreciate and grow from and with them. 

When I look into her eyes
Our boundaries melt away
The scent of her excited beautiful young body perfumes the air with lust
And the touch of her flesh creates wondrous amazing feelings
Within equal to that of being with a sensual Goddess.

Our love shines brighter then the most beautiful rainbow
After the darkest storm.
Your spirit nurtures us
Like a welcomed rain
Falling softly upon a desert flower.
We offer our love openly,
Wishing to make love
Carving each others touch.
Knowing our hearts are true for one another.
Daring to desire and dream,
Needing each other so much.
Envied by so many others,
For our intimate lust.

45,441,840,000 -:- love > self = (60 of 1440 x 365 for 525,6000 > U&I) =

an infinite life time of loving each other 24/7 each day of every year.

Perhaps it is, (which for now you disagree), that all that is you, in all of  your beauty and wonder already
co-exist. Yet at this time as you seek to fill a void for which you have not reconized / identified and you find yourself conflicted as to how all that is amazing about you seems seperate.

I would ask in how many ways has everything about myself created a path seeking the future of tomorrow, prepared me for what is yet unknown and keeping me hungery in a quest for more of  "all" that is around me... People, places, nature, emotions and knowelge yet to be discovered.

Some times when we look down too closely at the steps our feet are taking we do not reconize the path being traveled.

Stay beautiful with whom you already are.
Allow your mind to expand and understand, keep you safe and chose each path you encounter.
Allow your heart to embrace what is possible and seek that which it hungers for.
Allow your spirit to guide you and your soul to grow.
You already have all that you need as a child of the universe, as a women and a passionate being. Perhaps it is time to let go of any fear of who and where you are and step into acceptance of who you carve to become, what you desire to find and long to embrace.
Today is yours, what will you chose to explore tomorrow?

  A SINGLE FATHER

 

A man of strength,

Nurturing and kind,

Thoughtful and loving,

Giving of his time.

 

Sharing a life full of experiences

For his son to grow and shine.

 

Masculine by nature,

not yet refined,

Rarely showing weakness.

Protective,

Looking forward

Celebrating life.

 

Yet struggling on his own.

 

Many challenges accomplished,

Yet one still weights heavy on his mind.

Wanting, needing, carving,

Desiring to meet his Goddess

To share in love for a life time.

 

Fearful only of loneliness.

 

Pondering often wondering:

 

Is there a woman out there

Willing able and kind?

 

Searching for another

To share her love;

Heart, soul, body and mind.

Honest and understanding,

Unselfish of her time.

 

An equal yet submissive woman,

Loving, playful and kind.

 

Offering gentle guidance

Of her naturally blissful spirit

From a loving heart and mind.

 

Will they ever find each other.

Express a love divine.

 

Will they even recognize one another

Seeking growth and happiness

Of comforts not yet embraced.

 

A unique love

Yet undiscovered.

 

Can they embrace a future forever.

 

Will they embrace this at all
Within their  givin time?

I know how you feel... Would have been debt free back on Jan. 5/10, had everything planned out. Then back in Nov. of '09 without warning, notice or so much as a f-u, I on went on line to pay some bills and found that over $4,000.00 had been removed from my bank accounts (savings & checking) --- everything was gone without a clue as to why! In addition the "Bank of America" began charging me for small purchases recently made, yet not cleared on the ATM card, (at $35 per), along with a $100.00 fee for the transaction of a court order, they gave away more then was available and and did not notify me that there was no money in the acct. to cover my purchases (?). By the time they where done there was no money for food, rent, gas or tp to wipe my ass with. Had to use the next pay check to pay for the lawer.... But then, wait for it - it's not over yet... a sort time later the lawer droped the ball and the law office of Pressler & Presler again emptied the one bank account left... again when the rent was do, this time for about $1,300.00. No money was returned from the first time this happened. However the lawer managed to have the money returned that time, minus the fees of course & a payment arangement was made. He also gave me a check for $125.00 as I had not yet gone food shopping, nor was there enough gas in the tank to drive anywhere after returning home that day.

I began making payments for this bill of now over $7,000.00 for what should have been a $1,000.00 over 9 yrs. ago. That I tried to resolve and forgot about. Here's the kicker... This was from something I had tried to deal with and pay off over 9 yrs. ago. I had come back from vacation expecting a cell phone bill for $1,000.00, (was talking with someone overseas at the time), and had set the money aside for these calls. However when my son & I returned I received a bill for $3,500.00 from AT&T. I argued to no end - had the contract agreement in hand that stated the service would turned off if the bill reached a $1,000.00 and also had everything written down from the two times that I called to verify what the cost would be per minute prior to going on vacation from that location.I obtained the lawer so that this would never happen again ...(?)... So that my bank acct. would be safe from being completely emptied again, or so I thought...
I must be so freaken stuppid! Because when my jeep broke down twice last month I had it repaired, (so that I could go to work to earn money to pay the bills and feed my son, how stupid of me), Which left me without enough to continue making this new payment arangement for a few weeks which was stressing my abilities to care for my son & I, [since they started doing this back in Nov of '09, aprox. six weeks prior to having all other debt payed off]. Prior to this we where able to live like normal human beings, or at least get by when things got hard from time to time.
However being the bottom feeder, piece of crap scumbag that I must be seing how my 13yr. old son & I don't desevre to have the ability to chose what is best to spend my money on as needed for my house hold and seeing how the law firm of Pressler & Pressler refuse to talk with me and that the lawer once hired seems unable to returns my calls when answers are needed once again the bank acct. was emptied.... Amazingly just hrs. prior to paying rent and writing out a check for the true scumbags of P&P.............by the way............. Still waiting to hear from the attorney so that I know what to tell my landlord again!

As unrealisticly as it may seem I have developed a theory: In these times of less then plenty for the majority some millionaires / industries / agencies & firms seem to go out of there way to take everything from as many as possible... a judge in the pocket, a twist in the small print, what ever it takes to steal and forceably remove as much money as possible from those who have the least. I thought this was America, "I didn't even get my day in court!" It does not matter that you are a single parent, the color of your skin or the fact that you did not get your day in court, have little food or are unable to pay your rent and put enough gas in your car to make to work or could have had this debt paid off, dealt within a reasonible manner had you been given the opertunity and enough time without legally (?) stealing all of your money and "possibly puting you and your childern in the street". Somewhere in little corperate offices all over America people are looking over those who have next to nothing, perhaps those who are just on the verge of building a safety net, and they look down and say; f--k 'em we need more for our bottom line, and the price for "our kid's" college just went up... Get me more, more more... Take everything and blame the democrates!

If some scumbag or ignorant moron tries to rob you on the street, or break into your home and pulls out a knife or a gun you have the right to defend yourself and the $20.00 in your pocket. You'll even get your day in court should the poor dumb basturd end up dead becuase he tried to harm the wrong person that day.
Yet somehow even though you are doing the best you can, even raising a child on your own, paying your normal bills and buying food and saving where & when you can to do just a little better next year for your child, yourself, your community everything can be legally taken away from you without notice... without reason... without

I look like whom I've grown to be,
that whom I've always wanted to be,
yet not he who once was admired not so long ago,
nor completely like what might be expected some years from now :)

                                                                                                                SVJ / JVS

Physically, Emotionally And Mentally

All Experiences

 A Story From the Group I Know Something About Pain

  It can be life's way of letting you know that you are still alive; yet can also be overwhelming and draining, then leave us feeling relieved, hopeful and appreciative once we are free of it - often times feeling refreshed, ready to surge forward through life again, only this time with a new perspective of experience able to help others with their fears, their pain and view of tomorrow.   Thank you for contributing!